We were all kids. We were all free of problems. Running around and on a tablet 24/7, we had nothing to worry about now.
Boom. All of those memories, gone. Social anxiety, insecurity, the desire to fit in with others, to make our parents proud, kicks in. Has there ever been a moment I felt genuinely happy? What is it to be free now? Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday: School, work, stares, ignorance. Saturday, Sunday: Work, more work, having to dread on Sunday for school. I study hard in school. Even during lunch, I study or read. After school hours, everyone goes home to play their games, while I stay in the library to study. This leaves me trying to relax when I’m home, and that’s the only time my parents get to see me. Their response? “You play too much. Time to work.”
So I started to work at home too. I go to the office to study for my exams. I study while we have free time during classes. I make pages and pages of notes, my hands screaming in pain. I try to make them presentable, but mostly, my notes just looks like multicoloured scribbles. Not only this, everyone just walks past me. But I can’t help it, can I? I’m not good at socialising, so I don’t blame them for not approaching me.
But these people: Q, A, J, I, W, K, J. Thank you.
Q, I hope you know that I’m happy to be your buddy, your friend. You haven’t had life easy, people are bullying you, you even considered cutting yourself. I want to make you feel better in any way possible, because you don’t deserve any of this. You don’t know about my blog, so you won’t see this, but I just want to say.. you’re amazing, brave, strong and so much more, even if I can’t say it out loud.
Now. My parents. You guys are amazing and the best I could ever ask for. You guys work hard for the amazing school I’m in now. I know I shouldn’t want things excessively. However, sometimes, I just don’t think you understand me. I don’t want to explain much. I mean, you don’t really get how teenages are feeling or their worries and stress nowadays, but that’s alright. i don’t blame you two for anything. You guys have done so much for me.
My siblings. you guys cheer me up so many times though you don’t know it. I don’t know what I’ll do without you guys, if I were an only child, things could be ten times worse than it is now.
My tears are falling as I continue writing, It’s almost too much for me to take. My feelings are all bottled up inside me, threatening to spill at any moment. Things are just so hard nowadays. All those work I have to do, those worries lingering in my mind, how I have to communicate with others, how to improve, if I have time to relax..
Still. I have to be grateful. I might think that my life is hard, but what about those who can’t afford to be at Taylors? What about those in lower class schools? What about those that can’t even go to school at all? Deep inside in my heart, I know that people are praying to have a life like mine. God has given me so, so much. My family and I are blessed, yet I’m still complaining about these ..little.. things. What kind of person am I?
Thank you for everything, God. For keeping my family together and close to you.
I have no idea what Im feeling right now. Mixed emotions, you call it? I’m worried sick about what’s going to happen tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. I’m alone in a pitch dark room, with nowhere to go. and I can’t do anything about it.
The path I’m where walking down, life is just going to get harder and harder.